My son was only a few weeks old, if even, when the recession hit back in 2008. I’d put the TV on in the bedroom while doing the night feeds to try and keep myself awake. Usually there was nothing on except those god-awful rip off phone in game shows or infomercials, so I’d find myself switching to BBC News 24. That was a bad idea. It meant that at a time when I was highly hormonal and more than just a little sleep deprived I was on a constant loop of “doom! doom! doom!”
The recession scared me, probably because it coincided with the time when I first started to properly act like an adult, the fact that it is all still on-going and it looks like we’re headed for double dip scares me even more. There are likely to be redundancies in my husband’s office after Christmas and I’m terrified. The financial implications of having four children has just hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I don’t like being a grown up. I much preferred the world when I wasn’t in charge of anything important. It was certainly less stressful.
I guess this is all playing on my mind because the
child catcher Chancellor is going to make his speech today outlining how fucked we are the “recovery” is going. I’m also feeling extremely sick and a bit sleep deprived and therefore overly emotional. It was a rough night of the kids playing musical beds and the husband having to get up and go out at 1 o’clock in the morning to rescue his father who had become stuck behind a broken bedroom door.
Just to update on the thanksgiving dinner, it went very well but it seemed like every single person had to comment on the fact that I didn’t take a glass of wine, I refused to let our secret out though my 9 year old daughter nearly gave the game away.
I am a great believer that things will all work out in the end, I just can’t help but be a mega worrier as well.
Oh and my latest bizarro pregnancy dream? Robert De Niro put my cat into a dish washer, because I asked Al Capone to keep the noise down at a party he was throwing (obviously my brain made some sort of Scorsese link there).
Wednesday finally and the day that I said I would allow myself to order some tests from eBay. I have been good and stayed away from the thermometer since Sunday, largely because I spent most of Sunday staring at the high temp on my chart and thinking “oooooo does this mean anything?”
My “symptoms” continue as follows
- Painful Boobs – I have to be very careful how I stand in the shower because being hit in the chest with the water is NOT pleasant. Nursing the Squishy one (aka my youngest) is also a test in endurance. I grimace and she laughs.
- Gas/Wind – If you are 3 and 2 years old this is hilarious, if you are 30 it’s embarrassing. A couple of years ago the brother of a friend worked as the concierge in one of Dublin’s fancier hotels. He met a lot of celebrities during the time but one of his favourite was a young and extremely shy Beyonce Knowles. She imparted one amazing piece of advice to him that I have been using the past couple of days, it’s known as the Fart and Walk. Never fart in a stationary position, always do it while moving, movement (especially in crowds) masks the sound and by the time anyone smells it you’re at the other side of the room, where it can’t possibly be pinned on you.
- Vivid dreams – thankfully I haven’t been kissed by anyone questionable the last couple of nights but I did have to run from the zombie apocalypse. I’d take being double teamed by Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and John C. Reilly over that any day, zombies terrify the pants off me.
- Feeling warm – I’m continuing to feel quite warm, to the point where I’m stripping off my sixth layer of jumper to help me cool down. Hey I live in Ireland, it’s cold here.
- Not sure if this counts….. maybe it’s an early craving? I did have a mad craving for meat very early on with my son…. I have ate an inordinate amount of BLTs lately (technically BSTs as I use spinach in place of lettuce but BST sounds like the shortening of the swearword). I went to make myself yet another BLT a couple of days ago and discovered that the husband had finished the bacon. I had a few minutes of blind rage where I considered divorce/homicide. Raging hormones?
4 days to go till I can put all this speculation to an end, in the meantime, thanks for the tip Beyonce.
I failed, dear reader, I failed.
For whatever reason I picked up the thermometer again and I took my temperature this morning. It is sky high, it has shot up higher than I have ever seen it to a whopping 37.2/99.08 degrees. Now I’m wondering ooooo is this a triphasic chart?
I am DYING to POAS, though logically I know I am only 8dpo and the chance of getting anything other than a BFN is so slight as to be statistically insignificant.
The bizarre vivid dreams continue, last night it was John C. Reilly, a fine actor, but seriously, Chris Martin was running around there at some point too yet my brain plumps to hook me up with John C. Reilly? Stupid brain, stop picking people I like and respect and go for the smoking hot ones instead please.
So here’s how my chart looks now (I adjusted the temp last Saturday to make that come up as my ovulation day as I’m fairly certain that’s when it happened).
Putting the thermometer down has been oddly liberating. I don’t think I am half as obsessive as I was last cycle. I’m not endlessly staring at my chart (what’s the point?) and while I still am lurking (and posting) a little bit on the actively trying/waiting to test boards, I’m not symptom spotting and mainly I’ve been looking for like-minded people who are waiting to test too.
My resolve is weakening a little though. It has occurred to me that I’ll be 10DPO on Tuesday and that I got a BFP with my youngest at that day. I almost ordered some pregnancy tests off eBay last night too but I stopped myself at the last minute and thought if I am going to order some tests I will order them on Wednesday at the earliest, so theoretically it’ll be Friday or Saturday before they get here. I have realised that there is no point in keeping a stash of HPTs in the house, because I will only use them.
So now onto a bit of symptom spotting…. 😉
well I have had killer sore boobs for the last week, sore to the point where taking a shower is uncomfortable. I can’t say that’s a pregnancy symptom but it is making me feel much more positive about the general stability of my hormone levels, that and (big touching of wood here) I haven’t had any spotting as yet. It feels much more like how my luteal phase was back when I had a regular cycle. I am also very tired, but I think that’s down to two nights of very broken sleep as we’ve ended up with four in the bed, and I am also unusually warm. Usually I am absolutely freezing, the husband believes I am secretly one of the lizard people because of the how cold I am in bed and the way I insist on snuggling in to him just to steal his heat. I’ve also been extremely windy (pardon me) but I think that’s because I’m back on the healthy eating regime (I thought eaters of junk food were supposed to be the flatulent ones, but no, with me on a diet of chips I’m wind free, on a diet of salads I’m making as much contribution to global warming as the average cow). Oh and I’ve had very livid dreams too, include one where I was passionately kissed by Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall. Really? come on brain! couldn’t you have summoned up a bit of James McAvoy instead????
I must be strong.