Tag Archives: mood swings

And breathe

Feeling much calmer today. I think that I need to accept that there are things I can’t change. I can’t make the people around me behave the way they I think they should. The only person who’s actions I can control are my own, so I either need to let go of the things that annoy me or I need to learn to be more assertive. Passive aggression plus crazy hormones does not make for a good mental state.

But moving things back to the pregnancy…. so as I said they changed my EDD on Friday when I went for the scan. Now I think they’ve had some sort of mathematical mess up along the way with that. On Friday the doc said that the baby was measuring 13+4, but put my EDD down as the 4th of July, now every EDD calculator I’ve looked at says if you were 13+4 on the 30th of December then your EDD should be the 2nd of July. Now being that I know that date is wrong and I didn’t ovulate nearly a week before I got a positive OPK it would seem to be irrelevant, I just worry about midwives and what not rigidly sticking to the EDD from the scan and putting me as overdue almost a week before my actual due date. I’ve decided to save myself confusion if anyone asks I’m going to stick with the 7th, my forum tickers can all stay that way and my weekly emails. I would be lovely to jump forward a week but it just wouldn’t be accurate.

I’m almost a week in to the new healthy eating regime now too. I did sign up for Slimming World last week but after about a day of following their plan I had to abandon it and go back to Weight Watchers. It just wasn’t working for me, I found it much too restrictive, so I’m back to counting propoints but I get to mix it up with their Filling and Healthy plan too (which is pretty much the same as the Slimming World plan), the plus is it’s giving me a lot of flexibility. It’s tomorrow night before I weigh in again and I’m not sure what to expect. I have been eating better for the last week but I haven’t been perfect by a long shot, and I guess I need to get my head around the fact that I’m not looking for losses as such at the scales now, rather I’d like my weight to be stable and limit any additional weight gain.

As far as other symptom’s go –

The sickness is pretty much gone now. I can drink tea again (hoorah!) and the odd glass of Diet Coke doesn’t make me horribly ill. It is wonderful to feel human again….

albeit a human plagued by heartburn. I suffered from indigestion a lot in my first pregnancy. My sadist of a doctor back then neglected to tell me that I could take zantac so I had to live on Gaviscon. It was almost as bad as the heartburn. I remember when I was in hospital just before my daughter was born I asked for some and they brought me a cup of it, some of which got spilt onto the bedside table. A while later I went to lift it and discovered that the spilt patch had set like candle wax. Vile stuff. I don’t buy into the heartburn = hairy baby though, true I only suffered with heartburn in one pregnancy and that happened to produce the hairiest child but Squish wasn’t too far behind on the hair stakes, though all her baby hair fell out and she remained virtually bald for a long, long time. Even now at the age of two I can maybe with a lot of coaxing put her hair into two pathetic piggytails, the eldest daughter by comparison had a head of flowing locks.

The tiredness has abated somewhat too. All this new found energy is making me want to get out there and be active but the weather between snow and gale force winds has been conspiring to keep me inside. I have an overwhelming urge to join a gym but I’ve been assured this is normal for January and if I lie down with some chocolate for a few hours the urge should subside.

Well my super healthy soup I made for lunch is ready so I must away but I will leave with a pic of the bump at 13+1

Doom! Doom! Doom!

My son was only a few weeks old, if even, when the recession hit back in 2008. I’d put the TV on in the bedroom while doing the night feeds to try and keep myself awake. Usually there was nothing on except those god-awful rip off phone in game shows or infomercials, so I’d find myself switching to BBC News 24. That was a bad idea. It meant that at a time when I was highly hormonal and more than just a little sleep deprived I was on a constant loop of “doom! doom! doom!”

The recession scared me, probably because it coincided with the time when I first started to properly act like an adult, the fact that it is all still on-going and it looks like we’re headed for  double dip scares me even more. There are likely to be redundancies in my husband’s office after Christmas and I’m terrified. The financial implications of having four children has just hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I don’t like being a grown up. I much preferred the world when I wasn’t in charge of anything important. It was certainly less stressful.

I guess this is all playing on my mind because the child catcher Chancellor is going to make his speech today outlining how fucked we are the “recovery” is going. I’m also feeling extremely sick and a bit sleep deprived and therefore overly emotional. It was a rough night of the kids playing musical beds and the husband having to get up and go out at 1 o’clock in the morning to rescue his father who had become stuck behind a broken bedroom door.

Just to update on the thanksgiving dinner, it went very well but it seemed like every single person had to comment on the fact that I didn’t take a glass of wine, I refused to let our secret out though  my 9 year old daughter nearly gave the game away.

I am a great believer that things will all work out in the end, I just can’t help but be a mega worrier as well.

Oh and my latest bizarro pregnancy dream? Robert De Niro put my cat into a dish washer, because I asked Al Capone to keep the noise down at a party he was throwing (obviously my brain made some sort of Scorsese link there).

Happy Thanksgiving but best keep your distance….

Today is Thanksgiving. No I’m not American but my mother-in-law is a native of Boston and so every year the in-laws embrace the chance to have turkey in November. Usually the event takes place at my house (we have a very large kitchen) but this year my sister in law has decided that she wants to host it. I have no idea how we are all going to fit in and my inner control freak is not happy about the arrangement as sister-in-law is a confirmed shunner of vegetables so I have no idea how successful she is going to be when it comes to cooking them. I’m just a little bit afraid, especially as I’m not sure what wacky turns my morning sickness may take when it comes to sitting down at the dinner table.

We still haven’t told the in-laws and today I have been trying on a number of outfits that minimise the look of “the bump.” I may have to dodge some awkward questions too as one of my sisters-in-law knows that we were ttc but I’m just not ready to share the news with them yet. I like this being a relatively private thing (blogs aside) and I’m not convinced we’re going to get a lovely response either so I’ll drop the b-bomb on my terms thank you very much.

I’m not liking myself much at the moment. I think the hormones are turning me into a mega-bitch. My fuse is short, my patience non-existent and the kids are irritating the crap out of me. Maybe my view of the world is distorted but they seem to be so much more difficult than they were a few weeks ago. Squish has dived headlong into the terrible twos (her favourite word is “no”, there is no room for negotiation and her default position is to scream) and the boy….. well the Boy can be the most amazing, funny, kind, thoughtful little creature one minute and the spawn of Satan the next. He’s very fond of calling people Butt Heads at the moment (blame the eldest child for that one) and blowing raspberries. I want to duct tape his mouth to keep his tongue inside it. But I won’t because I know it is temporary hormonal madness and at least as much my fault as it is their’s, I’m not hot on the whole paying endless attention at the minute because I’m devoting so much of my time to trying not to puke. When I am in good attentive mammy organised activity mode they are a dream, when I am attempting to do anything else they make me want to scream. I seem to recall having similar rage issues in a previous pregnancy but I can’t remember which one it was, was it the girls or the boy? I have no idea. I don’t think it lasted the entire length of the pregnancies though as I still have friends and family who speak to me and my husband hasn’t run off yet.