Tag Archives: luteal phase defect

Setting Myself Up For a Fall

I went to the scan this morning with the best friend (with whom I share too much). I am very pleased to report that all is going well. I was just blown away by the detail on the ultrasound. I remember having my first scan with my eldest (who has turned 12 today by the way, how the heck did I end up with a 12 year old???). I had my first scan with her at 16 weeks and honestly all she looked like was a kidney bean with a spine. Today we could see facial features! I reckon by the time my children are reproducing their scans will be 3D holographic projections like on Star Trek.

It’s also five years ago today since I got the BFP that turned into my first miscarriage.

I did a stupid thing this morning. I took a test because, despite all the reasons in my head NOT to do it, I had that little bubble of hope that whispered maybe the universe will be kind. It wasn’t. I got a nice BFN before having to stick my clothes on and getting ready to go to the clinic. 8 dpo is stupidly early I know, but this was the test I got at that point last cycle

8dpo

So it didn’t seem outside the realm of possibility. But no, I got this instead

20140124_080929

I was so desperate to see something I even spent ten minutes tweaking it on my computer to see if I could pull a line (inverting it, upping the saturation and the contrast). No dice. In a truly desperate moment, on the way home from the hospital, I swung by Lloyds Pharmacy and picked up a Viola Super Early Pregnancy Test. They are supposed to be sensitive to 5mIu/ml. It was an equally joyless experience and (sorry the TMI) when I finished I noticed a little bit of bright red spotting so I guess my period is on its way (and I’m having the crummiest luteal phase yet of just 7 days).

I feel thoroughly depressed. Getting pregnant right now is probably a bad idea given that I am still recovering from the laparoscopy but I just want to be there. I hate being back at the start of the process. I should be 9 weeks and getting ready for my own scan. I should be complaining about morning sickness and indigestion. I am so happy for the best friend, but today I am just aching for my own loss.

PMA = Mixed Success

It was probably within about half an hour of posting yesterday that the spotting started up again and it got quite heavy, so heavy in fact that I thought it was starting to tip from spotting into period territory. With a sinking heart I took myself to the shop to buy emergency ladies’ supplies (Always & chocolate). I was fairly certain that was it, it was game over at 5 DPO.

Then it stopped again.

Then my temperature rose again this morning.

Then the spotting started again.

Then it stopped.

I have to say it’s making a trip to the bathroom quite the fraught and nerve wrecking adventure.

For now at least it seems to have stopped again. Trust my body to make things complicated.

I found out a friend of mine is pregnant today too. I am delighted for her, but just a little bit jealous for myself.

But I guess it ain’t never till it’s over, so it’s back to one day at a time…

le sigh.

The Boob & The Blood

Apart from a negative pregnancy test, the last thing a woman who is trying to convince wants to see is blood. Blood is scary, blood is downright alarming, or just plain heartbreaking.

Ordinarily I have no problem with blood. I’ve never been squeamish about it, or needles for that matter.  I think it’s because when I was a kid my dad used to take me along with him when he went to donate blood. I’d watch lots of people getting huge needles stuck in their arms, without a grimace or a whimper, I’d watch large bags fill up with blood, and then at the end of it they gave you tea or juice and some biscuits. Chocolate biscuits if you were very lucky. So needles and blood have always had a good association for me and I take them in my stride.

I’ve never truly understood the people with major blood phobias. A good friend of mine at school was like that. She fainted when she got her rubella, and she threw up and then fainted when she got her first period. I felt truly sorry for her when she had her first child a couple of years ago and discovered she was rhesus negative so had to get all those anti d injections. I think they just put a mattress on the floor every time she walked in.

But I digress….

Blood. Under some circumstances (well probably under most circumstances) it’s not a good thing to see, and especially so when your getting-knocked-up success in large part relies on keeping all of your blood inside you.

I’ve been having some spotting, a little on Sunday (okay, I could put that down to ovulation bleeding), a little bit yesterday and a lot more today. At 4dpo it’s much too early for the fabled implantation bleeding, what is much more likely is that my progesterone levels just aren’t very high. Prolactin is a progesterone antagonist. When a woman is lactating, prolactin has a much greater affinity for it’s binding site than progesterone does, the progesterone is instead cleared from her system in her breastmilk. This is part of the reason why breastfeeding can offer such strong contraceptive protection, and why it can make the luteal phase just a little bit screwed up. Insufficient progesterone causes the lining of the womb to break down too early for implantation to occur.

I might be a tad over dramatic here. I just have to watch and wait and see what happens, while bearing in mind that luteal phase defects are common in lactating women.

I suppose if my period does arrive soon I can at least content myself that my cycle is up and running again

and then start googling natural progesterone cream….