Category Archives: fertility

I am weak.

I failed, dear reader, I failed.

For whatever reason I picked up the thermometer again and I took my temperature this morning. It is sky high, it has shot up higher than I have ever seen it to a whopping 37.2/99.08 degrees. Now I’m wondering ooooo is this a triphasic chart?

I am DYING to POAS, though logically I know I am only 8dpo and the chance of getting anything other than a BFN is so slight as to be statistically insignificant.

The bizarre vivid dreams continue, last night it was John C. Reilly, a fine actor, but seriously, Chris Martin was running around there at some point too yet my brain plumps to hook me up with John C. Reilly? Stupid brain, stop picking people I like and respect and go for the smoking hot ones instead please.

So here’s how my chart looks now (I adjusted the temp last Saturday to make that come up as my ovulation day as I’m fairly certain that’s when it happened).

Triphasic?

Half Way There

Putting the thermometer down has been oddly liberating. I don’t think I am half as obsessive as I was last cycle. I’m not endlessly staring at my chart (what’s the point?) and while I still am lurking (and posting) a little bit on the actively trying/waiting to test boards, I’m not symptom spotting and mainly I’ve been looking for like-minded people who are waiting to test too.

My resolve is weakening a little though. It has occurred to me that I’ll be 10DPO on Tuesday and that I got a BFP with my youngest at that day. I almost ordered some pregnancy tests off eBay last night too but I stopped myself at the last minute and thought if I am going to order some tests I will order them on Wednesday at the earliest, so theoretically it’ll be Friday or Saturday before they get here. I have realised that there is no point in keeping a stash of HPTs in the house, because I will only use them.

So now onto a bit of symptom spotting…. 😉

well I have had killer sore boobs for the last week, sore to the point where taking a shower is uncomfortable. I can’t say that’s a pregnancy symptom but it is making me feel much more positive about the general stability of my hormone levels, that and (big touching of wood here) I haven’t had any spotting as yet. It feels much more like how my luteal phase was back when I had a regular cycle. I am also very tired, but I think that’s down to two nights of very broken sleep as we’ve ended up with four in the bed, and I am also unusually warm. Usually I am absolutely freezing, the husband believes I am secretly one of the lizard people because of the how cold I am in bed and the way I insist on snuggling in to him just to steal his heat. I’ve also been extremely windy (pardon me) but I think that’s because I’m back on the healthy eating regime (I thought eaters of junk food were supposed to be the flatulent ones, but no, with me on a diet of chips I’m wind free, on a diet of salads I’m making as much contribution to global warming as the average cow). Oh and I’ve had very livid dreams too, include one where I was passionately kissed by Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall. Really? come on brain! couldn’t you have summoned up a bit of James McAvoy instead????

I must be strong.

One Day At A Time

My mother is fiercely against testing early. Back in her baby making days the HPT wasn’t available. You had to go to the doctor if you wanted to diagnose a pregnancy and even then the doctor wouldn’t countenance seeing you until you had missed….. TWO periods.

Can you imagine that? A six week wait? Do any of us now have the patience to sit things out that long? Frankly I’m impressed by the people who wait until their first period is late to test, anyone who did that and then sat on their hands for a further cycle deserves a medal.

Okay maybe waiting that long is a bit extreme but I keep thinking if my mum (admittedly because she had no other option) could do it then I can wait a bit too.

I’m very proud to say that I did not take my temperature this morning (or sneaked a look at it last night like it could tell me something useful), I haven’t checked my CP (CM is viewed with only a passing interest), and most importantly I haven’t gone on ebay and ordered 50 cheapie tests. Admittedly I’m only 4 DPO and have a full ten days to go but my resolve is pretty high and I’m feeling positive that I can do this. Actually I’m so nervous after the miscarriage I think I’d even prefer to be like one of this women on I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant and skip the whole testing and 9 months of worry thing entirely (I would however prefer not to give birth into a toilet).

Speaking of that show, I caught a bit of it a few days ago and nearly wet myself laughing at the stupidity of the voice over “she may have gotten pregnant because she wasn’t using birth control….” Really? *face palm*

10 days to go…

Into the 2 Week Wait Again

I got my cross hairs this morning, though I think their positioning is a little out. Drinking some prosecco on Friday night was probably a bad idea as I know that’s why I had such a significant temp spike on Saturday morning. Fertility Friend has put me at 3 DPO but I’m fairly certain that it was Saturday when I ovulated so I’m only 2.

Now I’m really thinking about putting the thermometer down and stepping away from all Fertility software and forums for the next fortnight. I know what I’m like, I’ll be lurking on the Actively Trying board over on Baby Centre and reading about people taking tests and their symptoms and it’ll drive me to do ridiculous things like take a pregnancy test at 3 o’clock in the afternoon with dilute urine at 6 DPO.

The miscarriage took all the fun out of squinting at pee sticks. I don’t want to go cross eyed staring at them and wondering if I see a line, I don’t want to wonder about how dark the line is. I want to kick all ambiguity to the curb. I think if I continue to temp and chart it’ll take up way too much of my emotional energy, and too much of my money on myriad pregnancy tests.

So… my plan is to wait two weeks and if my period doesn’t appear to take a HPT on the 30th. It’s probably pretty perfect timing, it’s a Sunday (when I head out shopping anyway, so I can easily slip a HPT in my trolley) and depending on the result I should know whether or not I can have some drinks on Halloween the next night.

In the meantime I’m focusing myself back on to eating right and taking a bit of gentle exercise. I’ve got a fridge and cupboard stacked full of leafy greens, wholegrains, lean meat and fruit. They will be no alcohol for the next two weeks, very little caffeine (I’m not a martyr, I can’t cut it out entirely) and lots and lots of water, instead of my usual tipple of Diet Coke/Pepsi. I stocked up on supplements yesterday too so I’m continuing with the folic acid and b vitamins but have added omega 3, vitamin C with zinc and… (this one might be a tad controversial) some aspirin. I couldn’t actually find low dose aspirin so I bought regular 300mg tablets and have cut them into quarters, it’s a touch below the recommended dose of 80mg, but I’m going with the theory can’t hurt, might help.

I really debating with myself about natural progesterone cream. From what I gathered reading online opinion on it’s efficacy is pretty mixed, the doctors I saw during the miscarriage certainly didn’t seem to rate it. I think what made the decision for me was when I read that it could prolong a non viable pregnancy. I don’t know, some people swear by it but I’m scared to muck around too much. I honestly think that by taking the soy isoflavones last month I forced my body into something it just wasn’t ready for and that’s why the pregnancy never really got off the ground. That is not based on any scientific fact by the way, just my gut feeling, which hasn’t been peer reviewed or independently verified.

It would be a lie if I said I’m going to relax. I know that I will spend the next fortnight obsessing and agonising. I’m just going to try not to, or to do it as little as possible or ask someone to sit on me and stop me from buying pregnancy tests.

Come on lil eggy.

 

 

 This is the OPK I did last night. I’m fairly certain it’s a positive. I repeated it this morning and again this afternoon and I can see the surge fading out again. Right now I’m having some niggling pains in my right side which I hope are ovulation. I can’t help but be excited. I have read so much stuff about how you’re more fertile after a miscarriage and I hope it’s true. It’s certainly true in my case that I conceived my daughter right after my last miscarriage and she’s a very healthy almost two year old who disrupted our Jo Jingles music class this morning with loud demands for “boob!”

I really have to come up with another word for that.

But as I said I’m excited. I’m excited to think that we have another shot at this and I maybe don’t have to wait around weeks and weeks to ovulate again. I have cut down pretty drastically on the amount that dd is nursing, it’s maybe two or three times a day now and doesn’t tend to be at all after about 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I think my hormones are stabilising, my BBT hasn’t been as rocky, though I have been having to deal with estrogen induced acne. It’s hard to feel sexy when your face has broken out like a teenager’s. It all feels more like it did when I had a normal regular cycle all those years ago. I used to have one of those nice entirely predictable 28 day cycles, the only time it ever threw me was the month before I conceived my son, and aren’t I glad about that?

I’m also a little glad that I don’t have to face endless weeks of SMEPing.

All that remains now is to see if my temperature rises and I can confirm ovulation. I am thinking that maybe I will stop temping once ovulation has been confirmed. I want to at least try and stay a little relaxed and not agonise over what the thermometer is telling me. I’d also like to try and hold out on testing. For the start I don’t want to spend stupid amounts of money on tests again when ultimately they have no effect whatsoever on the outcome.

So fingers crossed for me that there is an egg on the way out and that it gets to make a nice new friend when it does, and in 9 months we get to say our family is complete.

Back to OPKs

Today I took delivery of 30 OPKs, so I get the “fun” of POAS every day. POAS has really lost it’s charm for me. I don’t find it fun or exciting any more. I think I used up my quota of POAS enthusiasm over the last couple of years, but at least with using the OPKs I feel like I’m doing something and it takes a smidgen of the guess work out of this. I decided not to use the Fertility Monitor this month either since I’m not at all sure about my dates or what CD I am, but I have decided to go with SMEP. We tried SMEP when we conceived our daughter so I’m fairly confident about how well it works.

For the uninitiated SMEP is the Sperm Meets Egg Plan. The idea is to cover all your basis. Basically from about day seven you get jiggy with it every other day up until you get a positive OPK, then you do it three days in a row, rest for a day, do it again the next day and then collapse exhausted and thank your lucky stars you didn’t even have to think about sex again for at least a few weeks. I have no idea who came up with this but I’m sure a bit of googling could probably provide the answers. It’s really for hardcore TTC-ers or the overly randy. I fall into the first category. I have 3 children and I never have enough sleep. I have vague memories of what a sex drive is, I believe I had one back around the same time I had a social life, and alcohol figured a lot in both. It’s probably a testament to how tired I am that one of my biggest objections to having to start over is all the effort involved. In the evening all I want to do is having a cup of tea and a biscuit, then pass out by 10 o’clock while watching dvds of 30 Rock. Occasionally I’ll make an exception and stay awake till 11, like tonight for example when Fringe is on at 10. Yes I am VERY rock n roll.

But needs must and all that so SMEPing it is.

I could do with a nap.

Onwards and Upwards

I agonised about whether or not to go back to the EPU today for the follow up appointment. There was a part of me that didn’t think there was much point, they were only going to tell me what I already knew, but I also had a lot of questions, so in the end after a lot of internal argument I decided to go.

I’m actually really glad that I did.

They did a repeat urine test (negative) and another scan (also negative) and then another beta hcg test (just got the result and it was 2), but I got a chance to have a good chat with the doctor about it and get the answers that I needed.

He believes it was an ectopic pregnancy that resolved itself. I also asked about the bleeding. I’ve been sitting here for the past week or so waiting for a period like bleed and worrying that if that didn’t come I’d need some sort of treatment to bring it on. The doctor told me that I may not necessarily have a bleed like that, the spotting I had probably passed the majority of the tissue and if I didn’t have a full on period like bleed it wasn’t something to worry about.   He said that the fact that I’m still breastfeeding may be suppressing it, and he also told me I could have some more spotting for a few weeks but I can largely consider this done and dusted (and on a side note the doctor looked like my husband’s best friend’s long lost twin – which was oddly reassuring in itself).

I felt so positive leaving there today, which was in itself a slightly weird feeling. I’ve been agonising about putting this all beyond me and getting on with things but now I feel that I can. So I’m really glad that I went and now I can move on.