Hello Baby!

16 weeks now and I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever. I think maybe it’s because of the ectopic just before this pregnancy, I feel like I’ve been pregnant a good five or six weeks longer than I have. Time is passing at a crawl. I can’t believe it’s only been two weeks since my dating scan, it feels like it was months ago. So progress is slow!

I’m feeling pretty good aside from daily bouts of indigestion (more on that later) and sinus headaches. I feel so congested and I wake up every morning with a headache that gets more throbbing as the day goes on. I would sell my grandmother for some sudafed! At the minute I’m just attempting to treat it with steaming and paracetamol but I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and go see my GP and beg her for some sort of nasal spray or dynamite or something. The morning sickness is well and truly gone but the sinus headaches can leave me very nauseated.

I am also nesting BIG TIME. I know traditionally it’s a later pregnancy activity but for me it has always been something that has hit early. I’ve been slowly making my way through the house clearing out drawers and cupboards and getting rid of excess furniture. I actually begged the husband for a Dyson vacuum cleaner for my birthday (it’s amazing). All the bending and carrying is playing merry hell with the indigestion though so I must keep a ready supply of Rennie and Ranitidin on supply. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the ad campaign for Rennie where they say it converts excess stomach acid to “water and ‘other substances'”, my dear friend Jacintha was quite correct when she tweeted “Just say farts, Rennie, just say farts.”

The urge to clear out and redecorate the house is quite overwhelming. I did a ruthless toy cull and then my eye turned to the bags and bags of baby clothes that are filling our wardrobe. With my last two children being girls I seem to be overrun with pink. On Friday (during an epic nesting session) I started to get very twitchy about them and felt an overwhelming urge to know whether or not I could donate them to charity if I should start washing them in preparation for baby.

All of this meant that on Saturday morning I found myself climbing the stairs to the private ultrasound clinic in town for a gender scan. I was very nervous as they usually don’t perform them until 18+ weeks and they didn’t sound entirely confident on the phone about how successful it would be. I’ve also had a very strong boy feeling from the beginning with this pregnancy and I knew I had to prepare myself for the possibility that it could be another girl.

I’m reserving judgement on the result. The sonographer seemed 100% confident but I’ve heard too many stories of people being told one thing and then popping out a different flavour so I’m going to wait the few weeks until my anomaly scan before I announce it one way or the other.

One perk of the scan was she put on the 3d probe at no extra charge and gave us a sneak peek. I wasn’t expecting to see anything great being so early on but we actually got some amazing pictures. I can only apologise for the poor quality of them here, I tried taking a photo of the scan pic with my phone but the paper they are printed on is very reflective.

20140426_155951 20140426_160007It was really special. We even saw baby sucking its thumb at one point.

Hopefully I’ll have the house is order and a cure for my sinus woes before baby gets here, after all I still a very, very long time to go.

 

Getting there

One of the comments after my post yesterday made me stop and think. It’s not that I am not grateful to be pregnant or that I don’t get how lucky I am to be pregnant and to get pregnant so easily (two ectopics and a miscarriage aside).

Given everything else that is going on in my life, especially with the demanding, time consuming and complicated needs of the eldest child, I am downright terrified that I won’t be able to cope with the additional demands of a new baby. In reality I probably will cope, though it will be tough and draining, but I am entitled to my fear. I’m not wrong or a bad person because that fear is over-shadowing what should be a very joyous time. I don’t want my pregnancy to go away but at the same time I can’t sit day-dreaming about it because I have the practicalities of four other children to consider. So when I say I hope I get my enthusiasm, I mean I hope I can shelve those worries and capture that feeling of happy anticipation. It may come some way down the line when this pregnancy begins to feel more real, it may come when things settle with the eldest. I’m sure I’ll get there eventually when I’ve had time to process my worries and move on.

14 Weeks

I’ve sucked at keeping this blog lately. Part of it is that I have been busy, but a bigger part of it is that life has been difficult and stressful of late and I haven’t wanted to pour it all out in one enormous bitching post (no matter how tempting that is).

The eldest child started her insulin pump therapy. We are now in the third week of 2 hourly blood glucose tests (day and night). It’s exhausting, physically and emotionally. She’s having a lot of issues at school as well and they are being less than helpful. I haven’t gone as far yet as to bring up the term “Disability Discrimation Act” but it’s getting close. All of this has meant I have been running around like a blue arsed fly trying to keep up. I’ve barely had time to remember that I am pregnant.

I’ve also ¬†finally got my butt in gear and got myself out on some driving lessons. It’s frankly miraculous that I have managed to go on this long and have a family this large without having a car but before the next one lands I need my license and possibly a mini bus.

Oh and I still haven’t taken a bump picture. I’m not enjoying this or savoring it the way I thought I would. I guess it comes down to the above, I’m too busy worrying if this has been the right decision.

I had my 12 week scan last Thursday (at 14 weeks). This is probably the first time I’ve ever had a scan and not had an emotional reaction to it. I think my overriding thoughts at the time were being pissed with the husband for not being there and wondering when the eldest’s school was going to call and which flimsy pretext they would use this time to try and send her home. Anyway, here’s the baby. I got sort of hilarious with the photoshop and then used this picture to announce on news on Facebook.

baby lokiIs that a nub there? I’m kind of hoping that it looks like a boy nub, because I don’t think I can handle anymore oestrogen in my life, but other people seem to think it’s a girl nub. I’m not even sure it is a nub… and I’m fairly certain this picture is at completely the wrong angle to even judge the angle of the dangle.

I really hope I can find my enthusiasm.