Today I am having my first WTF am I doing have a fifth child? freak out. It has been a hellish morning. First the eldest child refused to get out of bed (nothing new there, it usually takes bribery/begging/pleading/threatening/dynamite to shift her). Then she couldn’t find her blood glucose monitor, so the natural explanation for that had to be that I had sneaked into her bedroom in the middle of the night and stole/hid the monitor for shits and giggles, because that’s how I roll. It couldn’t possibly be that she had just misplaced it in the pit of doom that is her bedroom. This meant she screamed a lot at me, repeatedly telling me to “shut up.” This is her standard reply to anyone who attempts to speak to her before about 1 o’clock in the day. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or the hyperglycaemia or a combination of the two, but she is the devil in an A cup.
Next up, the boy, who has been home sick from school for the last two days with a sore throat who highly unimpressed at the thought that he had to return. He refused to get dressed. Then the Squishy one threw an absolute fit at having her hair put in bunches to go to nursery. The walk to school took on the feel of a forced death march as the two of them wailed inconsolably and I felt my blood pressure rising. I was actually shaking by the time I dropped them both off. Then I started to completely panic about how the hell am I going to cope with another one? Have I made a huge mistake?
Having a teenager (well technically she is 12 but has the hormone profile and personality of one) is by the far the most difficult part of parenting I’ve encountered so far. It’s definitely made more difficult by her diabetes, which is pretty poorly controlled at the moment and leaves her prone to mood swings of epic proportions. She is in many ways a giant toddler, with zero impulse control but a much better vocabulary to tell me why she hates me. It’s actually like living with a bully in the house as she verbally abuses me, the husband and her siblings on a daily basis. I’m locked in a constant battle with her to get her test her blood sugars and to inject her insulin and catch her before she indulges in yet another secret sugar binge. It is taking up a vast amount of my mental energy and leaving me with very little energy or patience for the others.
And I’m going to bring another baby into the mix?
I must be f**king crazy.
I am actually dreading telling her that I am pregnant again as I don’t anticipate her reaction to be a good one. I’m kind of hoping maybe I can slip the whole thing past her unnoticed. Oh this baby? I got it aaaages ago, it’s just been sitting in the wardrobe. Of course it’s not a new one!
I am feeling enormously anxious right now.