I have started to write this post a number of times and then deleted what I’ve written or just plain clicked off the tab in frustration.
Firstly, I suppose I should report that the ECV was successful. It wasn’t terribly painful and it didn’t take too long. I went home feeling quite positive, if a little spaced-out from the muscle relaxant. The husband and I were chatting about ways to start encouraging the baby out (before it decides to flip around again) when the phone rang. It was my GP with the very bad news that the swab they had taken in the hospital last week had come back positive for group b strep.
Goodbye home birth.
Goodbye birth in the midwife led unit.
Goodbye water birth.
Goodbye staying at home for as long as possible.
Goodbye six hour discharge.
Goodbye to the possibility of getting a membrane sweep to help moves things along.
Goodbye any modicum of control I had over this process.
I am absolutely gutted. I can just see this birth turning into everything that I don’t want it to be. I’m tired from days and days of erratic pains. I’m frustrated, I’m fed up and I just want it over and done with. I had a midwife appointment today and I asked if she would do a sweep and she said no. I keep thinking the longer this goes on the longer I have to get worked and annoyed about it. The one hospital birth I had was awful, I don’t want to go there again. Plus I feel like I’m getting a whole heap of guilt piled on top of me because my mother has been present at all my previous births but the hospital has a 1 birth companion policy so I have to choose between her and my husband. I love my husband but I’m not sure how great he’s going to be at supporting me through this on his own, but I can’t deny him being there at the birth of his child.
I had a feeling from the start that I just wasn’t going to get a home birth but I didn’t anticipate it turning out this way.