I’ve been a bit lax on posting this week I admit. The weight gain thing is bugging me again as I went to Slimming World on Tuesday and was greeted with a 2 1/2 pound gain, bringing my total weight gain so far back up to 11 and a half pounds, still 4 or 5lbs more than I should have gained at this stage. I keep looking at threads about weight gain on the July 2012 birth board and it’s depressing, either I’m the only honest one there or I’ve gained the most weight, even when you include the women that are having twins. It seems like everyone else has gained at most 2lbs or even lost weight. I feel like I’m the only one who is waddling my way to 40 weeks. I hate that weight gain seems to be all I’m obsessing about at the moment, but I’m in that kind of boring middle stage. There’s minimal movement, weeks to go before the anomaly scan and because we’re not finding out the sex this time I’m not really bothered about going to the scan at all. Now I KNOW the medical reasons for the scan and that’s why I WILL be attending, I know that finding out the gender is a luxury and some people might view it as almost a vanity sort of thing, I’m just saying that assuming everything is okay with the baby I’m not bothered about getting scanned again at all for the rest of this pregnancy. It’s too early to start my hypnobirthing preparations and it’s probably too early to think about the birth. Occasionally we talk about names but nothing is really jumping out at me. I want a name that I absolutely fall in love with, not a name that I think yeah it’s okay or that’ll do. Well I have girl’s name that I feel that way about, but I’m 100% convinced to my core that this baby is a boy. Oh and it’s too early to start shopping yet too. It seems like all the other mothers due in July have 16 week midwife check ups, but I’m not due back to see them until 28 weeks. They really leave you alone after your first. So I’m twiddling my thumbs and getting on with it and trying not to think about the pregnancy too much.
But I do think I’m starting to come out the other side of the fug of hormonal madness. I’m feeling much more positive the last few days. I have to be grateful for the hormones for giving me the strength to confront the evil BIL, of course I got no apology but I didn’t expect it from them, and admittedly I’m not going to forgive him for everything he’s done because (as I heard a psychologist put it rather aptly on television last night) the unrepentant are unforgivable. But I feel more settled about it, I feel that I don’t have to put up with it any more, that I’m not putting up with it any more and that he has no power to upset me or my family except the power I give him. See it has to be boy, because it appears I’ve grown some balls.
(Just a little note about the title – I’m 15+ weeks pregnant, so in my 16th week, think it looks better than 15ish weeks)