I forgot to post a pic of how the 14 week bump is looking so here it is in all its glory. I feel fat. I had weigh in last night at Slimming World and was very surprised to see 1.5lbs gone, I didn’t exactly stick to the plan last week, but wii fit still insists of making the shaming dumpy noise when I stand on it because I’m officially 2lbs overweight. My skin is awful and I seem to be suffering from some sort of mutant strain of dandruff that cannot be destroyed by Head & Shoulders or even the most potent T Gel. In short I feel like crap. I feel crap about myself physically and emotionally. I spent a lot of time before this pregnancy day dreaming about what it would be like, how wonderful it would feel and how special it would be, how I planned to embrace and cherish every minute. It’s not living up to the fantasy. I look terrible and the in-laws have managed to piss all over any joy I was feeling. I’m looking at the next six months and just anticipating how the next argument is going to happen or what else they are going to do to try and ruin this. I KNOW I should be sitting here saying well I’m just not going to let them, but it’s hard not to feel a bit emotionally drained when you know there is someone out there actively working to be a negative force in your life, and that you can’t get away from them. I’m just waiting to see how the email I sent back is going to ignite the next argument because I doubt BIL is the sort of person who can admit he was in the wrong and let something go, you know I don’t even care about him admitting he’s wrong I just want him to quit making life so difficult for us. It’s the Husband that I really feel sorry for. I mean I feel bad for the kids because I think they’re excluding from a lot of stuff and I feel angry at the in-laws for it, but if it was my family that was behaving this way? I think I’d be inconsolable. I wish I could just delete them all from Facebook but I think it would just be a ball ache for the Husband so I’ve unsubscribed from them all instead and restricted what they can see in my profile. Maybe it’ll be a bit easy if it isn’t so much in my face. I’m trying very hard to not let this situation reduce me to tears again. In other news I got the appointment in for my Fetal Anomaly Scan scan today, it’s not until the end of February and I hope by then I’ll have mustered up a bit more enthusiasm for it.
Right now I’m off to try and find an exercise class for preggos and try to stay away from pinterest and the Farrow & Ball website as I don’t think they’re helping my crazy nesting urge.