Don’t think I’m ready for this.

I was getting ready for bed last night and as I brushed my teeth it occurred to me that I hadn’t nursed once all day. That’s the first time in over two years that has happened (well excluding a two day excursion to London but I was pumping every three hours so it still felt like nursing). It was quite a shock. When I thought back over it I don’t even remember Squishy asking to nurse.

This morning she nursed as usual well we got up (well to be honest I offered it rather than distracting her right away with mention of cereal) but a few minutes ago when she asked for a drink I offered nursing to her and she turned it down in favour of cow’s milk. That is also the first time that has ever happened. I’ve moaned on for ages about her reliance on the boob but it’s really starting to hit me now that it may be well and truly down to it’s last days and it is far more upsetting a thought than I ever thought it would be.

I know I’ve said that I would let her wean at her pace, and I was sort of hoping that she would self wean before the baby arrives, but there was a little bit of me too that loves our nursing relationship and loved the idea of tandem nursing for a while, despite the fact that the people around me are seeing it as increasingly weird for me to still be nursing a two year old. She’s still my baby in so many ways. I actually had this discussion with the husband while we were sitting in the waiting room of the antenatal clinic last week. Even he thinks it’s a bit weird. I’ll admit I am getting a little embarrassed about her demands for boob when other people are around (but I guess that’s down to their reaction than my own feelings about it). I tried to explain to the husband that the two of us are both still getting huge benefits from nursing (brain boosting and immunological benefits for her, protection from osteoporosis and breast and ovarian cancer for me – plus the weight maintenance boost). I guess I’m a little scared to say good bye to something that has been such a huge part of our relationship from day one. It’s that little bit of her not needing me any more, that further step towards independence.

I’m not going to fight it, that would be weird, and I firmly believe they should wean when they are ready and not on anyone else’s schedule where possible, but it’s still a very sad day for me. It’s hard to believe just six months ago she was still nursing as much as 15 times a day and now she’s rapidly becoming an independent little lady.

I suppose the consolation is the next stage is always exciting and brings it’s own rewards, and I have building a nursing relationship with the new baby to look forward to.

Scrap that. She climbed into my lap and said “I want the boob”

Lol and just when I was getting all dramatic.

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