So… yesterday I was back at the hospital again. I find it rather disconcerting that there are doctors around now who are much younger than I am. I’m not old, I’m young(ish), well young enough that I still look to other people for authority and call my parents “Mammy” and “Daddy.” I find it hard to take life or death medical opinions from someone who looks like they probably still shop in Miss Selfridge and quite enjoys Hollyoaks. I’m sure she’s studied very hard and knows what she’s doing and by the very fact that she attended medical school and therefore got a very good grade in chemistry (which I loved but frankly sucked at) she is more than likely much smarter than me, but still, she looked like she probably only started menstruating a week ago. Luckily she was very capable of taking a blood sample.
I managed to have a chat with a consultant while I was there too. He believed one of three things was happening A. I’m very early pregnant, B. I’m having a miscarriage or C. It’s ectopic. He seemed a bit baffled by the whole situation to be honest. I don’t think he expected to see the hormone levels rise on Saturday. He looked back over my notes and at the print out from the scan they’d done last Thursday. Then he told me what they hadn’t mentioned at all last week, that my endometrium was quite thin. I had saw them measure it and I had wanted to ask what the result was and what exactly that meant, but I tend to go a bit chicken in the face of doctors and find it hard to ask questions. I do remember staring at the screen after they left the cubicle to let me get dressed last Thursday, and I think the number on the screen was 5 or 6mm. He told me that if the beta hcg levels had doubled they’d treat it as a normal on-going pregnancy and would want to see me again in about a week’s time for another ultrasound or if they only rose a little I’d need to return to hospital that night for another scan and to discuss “surgical options.”
I went home and spent a couple of agonising hours waiting for the phone to ring. About half seven I couldn’t take it any more and called them. The nurse who answered the phone put me on hold for about five minutes or a couple of hours, the passage of time was a bit weird and vague, it certainly felt like a couple of hours. Then she came back, asked me some more questions and put me on hold again. Finally she came back and I got the answer, the levels have risen to 132… so not exactly doubled but risen by more than 60% so the consultant was happy to leave me for now and scan me again next Tuesday.
I’m not sure how I feel. I’m relieved it doesn’t look like an ectopic but I still don’t feel brave enough to consider myself pregnant, okay today I am pregnant (I think), but will I be tomorrow? or next week? I am utterly confused by the situation. I’m running all sorts of crazy scenarios through my head to explain why the levels aren’t adding up with the 24 dpo that I think I am. Maybe I was wrong on the charting, maybe I conceived a lot later than I think, maybe I conceived twins and lost one of them (that would explain early result and then bleeding and very low levels), maybe I conceived, miscarried and conceived again all in the space of about a fortnight, maybe there is some truth in the notion that excess hcg can spill over into breastmilk, maybe there’s a rip in the space time continuum centred on my uterus. Okay… these scenarios are getting outlandish but I am that baffled by what is going on, or not.
I have been fairly good in restraining myself from daily pee stick dunking, admittedly I did do one yesterday before going to the hospital
though I’m not sure why I did it when it couldn’t actually tell me anything more than the hospital test. Oh and I’m still spotting.
I suspect this is going to be an extremely long week.