13 Rules for Peeing On A Stick

1. Pee on the stick or dip the stick for the amount of time the test instructions state, not over, not under, follow the instructions exactly.

2. Don’t sit the test down and wander off for a few hours, or jump in the shower  (filling your bathroom with steam) or do anything that will stop you looking at the test until long past the time you’re supposed to.

3. If you take a shower or wander off discount the results unless it’s an absolute blaring set of pink lines. Staring at any “oh is that a line?” will just lead to headaches. Back before the industrial revolution many people working as seamstresses, makers of pins or makers of dolls, ended up going blind because of the strain put on their eyes by this precise and delicate work. In the modern age lots of women are now suffering from this phenomenon due to staring endlessly at the colourless test lines on pee sticks.

4. If you can’t photograph it, then it probably isn’t there – obviously this excludes people that just don’t know how to use a macro setting or plain just don’t own a camera. If you do own a camera, know how to turn the flash off and use the macro setting and you just can’t line to photograph, it isn’t a line. As Bucks Fizz once sang “the camera never lies.”

5. Just because you CAN get it to photograph doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a true line either.

6. Positive lines are PINK (I’m purposely excluding blue line tests here because I believe they are the devil), and are the SAME thickness as the control line.

7. No test is completely blank, there is always something there. The antibody strip that is the test line is not invisible and when it’s wet (and sometimes when it’s dried) you can see it. It is colourless or grey.

8. Tests vary in their sensitivities and not all HPTs are created equal. You can get a positive on your very sensitive internet cheapy and then a negative on a branded test or a digital. You are pregnant, you just don’t have enough HCG in your urine for the less sensitive, more expensive tests to work.

9. HCG doubles in 48 – 73 hours. Leave it at least 2 days before testing again.

10. You POAS and get a line, two hours later you pee again and the line is fainter. This is not a sign of an impending miscarriage, how dilute your urine is (and the type of test you use, the amount of dye in it etc.) can all effect how the test looks. Leave it two days and test again.

11. It takes 7 – 10 days for implantation to occur. Any symptoms you experience before 7 DPO at the earliest are probably down to hormone fluctuations/infection/temperature/the phases of the moon. It is physically impossible to have pregnancy symptoms BEFORE implantation

12. You cannot make a test positive through sheer power of will…. if only.

13. If you are me, you daily disregard all of the above.

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