Dare I hope?

Every morning I log on to the Actively Trying board over at Babycentre and I’m met with a glut of “OMG BFP!!!!” posts.

It’s lovely for the ladies posting of course but it’s probably doing my sense of impatience no good at all. Truth is, when my kids go to nap, I spend a few hours trawling various forums and googling every suggestion for ways to increase fertility. I then spend far too much time going back and forth between my chart on Fertility Friend and on the Taking Charge of Your Fertility site willing those dots to suddenly make some sense.

I missed a few days of temperature taking last week while I was going through the whole pound-shop-shit-test adventure, and I could kick myself for it now because sometime during those three days my temperature started to rise.


Fertility Friend is being not especially helpful either.  It will go as far as to tell me I *may* have ovulated some time between CD5 and CD11. I don’t dare believe it though. I have been through this so many times before, including most recently just after I started this blog. I fully expect my temperature to take a nose dive soon and for them to take away even the suggestion that something might have happened. Still, as always, my hopes are up a little. This is a much more convincing temperature rise than I have ever seen on my chart before. I’ve started taking my temperature at night before I go to bed, not to record it because I know it’s largely meaningless, but I have noticed that it is consistently higher than it’s ever been before. My bedtime temperature is hovering around the 37°C mark, which is at least .5 of a degree higher than it’s ever been before. So now I’m obsessing about whether or not it actually means anything.

It’s amazing the things that you will notice when you’re paying attention. Every twinge takes on new significance, but it rarely means anything. I pointed out the similarity to my husband recently when we were fighting the flea battle. We both had multiple phantom flea bites, every weird tickle had us jumping and scratching and checking for fleas. 99% of the time we found absolutely nothing, but just the idea that there were fleas in the house was enough to have us thinking we were being bitten every five minutes (in truth, during the month long battle we both suffered maybe 8 flea bites each).  It’s the same with symptom spotting. I see so many ladies posting about sore boobs and headaches and sensitivity to smells and a dozen other “signs”, about 50% of those do end up being pregnant (so retrospectively they confirm yes! it’s all a pregnancy sign!) the other half end up with their period.

These temperatures might mean something, but they probably don’t.





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