Hey Jealousy

My best friend has started charting and I have to admit I’m a little jealous. I’m jealous because she has predictable cycles and her temperature patterns make sense and when she sees a temperature rise and gets her cross hairs she can be fairly certain that it is because she has ovulated. Her cross hairs are unlikely to disappear after a few days.

I’m not feeling particularly patient today. I’ve had a temperature rise over the last few days but this morning it plummeted. I woke up and took my temperature as usual but when I looked at the clock I realised it was only 4.30 am. I usually take my temperature around 6 am. I went back to sleep, but I dozed more than anything, when I finally roused myself enough to take another reading it was 7.30 am. It’s almost unheard of in this house for us to sleep past 6.30. There is quite a disparity between the two readings, the earlier one was 97.18, plunging off the bottom of my chart, the later reading was 98.04 and a nice little rise like I’d want to see. Of course I know the reading I should use is the lower one. I hate that reading. It messes up my chart entirely. I guess thems is the breaks and I know that even a pretty looking chart won’t make me have ovulated.

I HATE this waiting, I HATE the uncertainty, I HATE that every product out there from fertility monitors to software only really works for people who have a cycle in the first place. I HATE being banished to this little breastfeeding fringe group where no one has any answers and no one can offer any help other than telling me to wean.

I HATE that I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate lately and gained 8lbs in 15 weeks.

I wish I had some progress to report. I feel like I’m constantly moaning or saying oh I think something might be happening but ultimately end up being wrong.

I wish I had a chart like my friend’s.

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