It’s not like we’re Duggars

It’s day 6 of the agnus castus, except I haven’t taken it yet. I’m going to try taking it later in the day, maybe with dinner, in the hopes that having something substantial in my stomach with mitigate the vomit-inducing side effects of it.

It’s not that I’ve entirely made up my mind to have another baby now. I just want some options. It’s frustrating to be out of control of your body. I can only imagine what it’s like for people with actual fertility problems. I don’t think I could cope with that at all. In the past I have fallen pregnant very easily, “trying” for a baby barely seemed like the appropriate phrase. The first two defied all sorts of odds and contraceptive measures while with the pregnancy I lost and my youngest daughter, it was a case of I want to be pregnant and then three weeks later I was.

The extended family are not onside with this idea at all. They thought we were crazy to have the last baby (as much as they love her). We had a range of negative reactions, including my brother in law telling us we should learn how to use condoms. When I had the miscarriage friends of mine implied that it was because I had gotten pregnant again so soon after having my son and losing the pregnancy was probably a good thing. It doesn’t seem to be the done thing to have a large family any more (though I come from a family of 4, my husband is one of 5 and my own mother is one of 10).  Yes money is tight and it is virtually impossible to get a babysitter (all potential babysitters are exhausted from helping out our siblings who have less children than us) yet there’s a perception that we struggle with three kids. We don’t. We have a very happy family who could barely identify a fish finger if you showed it to them. I guess this is degenerating into a bit of a moan because I’m fed up of the raised eyebrows every time I mention that we would like another child.

The most recent incidence of this was when I emailed a friend of mine who moved to Canada a few months ago. I was telling her that come September we will either make the decision to have another baby soon or we’ll postpone it for a year and book a trip to go to America to my brother-in-law’s wedding. Her reply was I have enough kids already, so I should go to Canada instead because she wants a “girly week.” Yes that’s exactly how my priorities work, I should set aside what I want from life and spend £1000+ just on flights, leave my husband and kids behind and fly half way across the globe just so I can drink Pinot Grichio and do a bit of shopping. I know she means well and I know at the heart of it is just a desire to catch up with old friends, but she’s childless and just doesn’t get it.

I suppose people are always going to have their opinions and I’m not always going to agree with them. I just don’t always need to hear them.  I’d like the people in my life to support me with a “that’s great,” because that’s all I’m asking for from them.



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